I Can't Wait to Be an Adult
I hate being a kid. Yeah, I know every adult thinks being a kid is great. They think it's all fun and games, no worries. When you're a kid you get taken care of and have no responsibilities. Well, it not all it's cracked up to be. Because you have no rights either. Adults boss you around and don't take you seriously. You don't get to make your own choices. You have no control over your life. You have no say. It's not fair.
So I'm a kid. I'm only 9 years old. But that doesn't mean I am stupid. In fact, I am very smart. Most adults are stupid. They think I have no idea what is really going on. But I've learned how to play their game. You just act really good, like mr. teacher's pet and mr. goody two-shoes. Then you get all these privileges and lots of freedom. Then you can get away with anything. No one suspects mr. perfect, because HE couldn't do anything wrong! Right? Wrong!
Here's what I got away with recently:
1) Getting my little sister into trouble - So she climbed out of her crib, again. She snuck into my room. "Can I sleep wit you?" She asked sweetly. "No, you have to sleep in your own bed." Sure, I was flattered that she wanted to sleep with me. But if she did I would get NO sleep at all. I mean, she hogs all the covers and even farts in her sleep. "Dad!" I yell from my bed. "Stacy is out of her crib again!" My dad comes storming down the hall. My sister doesn't even cry as he smacks her on the butt. Being the "perfect" child he nods in approval that I've done the right thing. But really I was just being selfish.
2) Not turning in my homework - I "lost" my homework. No really, I'm bad at spelling, very bad. So I threw my spelling worksheet in the trash. I told my teacher it was on my desk and someone stole it. Guess what? Since I am the teacher's pet, she believed me! There's no way I, a model student, could have lost it or done ANYTHING wrong. Being perfect has perks, let me tell you.
3) Eating all my peas, not! - I hate peas! My dad wants me to eat them. But I won't. So he tells me he will pay me 5 cents for every pea that I eat. I eat 20 peas and get a dollar! But not really. Because while he is trying to get my little sister to eat HER peas, I am putting each pea from my fork into the top front of my mouth . . . you know the space between your gums and your lips. Those peas are pretty squishy, so they flatten easily. Then I take my glass of water in the tall colored plastic cup, and as I pretend to drink I am actually moving the peas with my top lip into the cup. He has NO idea. I make a few dollars in no time.
4) Missing school because I was sick - It's that classic thermometer in the light bulb trick. But the reason most kids get caught is because they take the thermometer from the light bulb and give it directly to the parents right away. The real trick is putting the thermometer under your tongue for a bit after you've heated the mercury in the lamp. That cools it down, enough to be believable but still high enough for a fever. If you've got one of those newer thermometers, just heat your forehead or your ear with something warm, like a heating pad or space heater. Regular kids, do not try this at home! It could be dangerous and you can hurt yourself if you're not smart like me. But I get away with missing school all the time with different ailments. And since I am a straight A student, with excellent grades, no one cares if I miss every now and then.
5) Stealing a toy from that kid's house my parents made me go to and pretend to be his friend - One of the things I HATE the most . . . my parents take me to a stranger's house and expect me to be OK with it. They think since these people are THEIR friends that I should automatically like them too, and their bratty snotty kids. My parents never once ask, "What do you think?" or "Would you like to meet so-and-so?" or "I'd like you to meet my friends but just because they are my friends doesn't mean their kids will automatically be your friends." I hate that they just assume I'll like these people, their kids, and be OK. So I go to the kids' houses. My parents send me "off to play." And each time, I steal a toy from the bratty kids' rooms, just to show that adults can't win. That is my silent protest. The toys are usually small, nothing major or super-expensive. It's not about the money. And I NEVER once make friends with any of those kids. That is a big NO-NO. They can make me go, but they can't make me like it.
I can't wait to be an adult. I will make my own choices. No one will control me. I'll have freedom to set up my life the way I want it, and make friends with who I want, and have a job doing what I like.
Being a kid stinks. Once I am an adult I'll never look back. I'll forget all about "childhood" that is made to be this fairy-tale, magical time. Being an adult is what I was born to be.
- end -
So I'm a kid. I'm only 9 years old. But that doesn't mean I am stupid. In fact, I am very smart. Most adults are stupid. They think I have no idea what is really going on. But I've learned how to play their game. You just act really good, like mr. teacher's pet and mr. goody two-shoes. Then you get all these privileges and lots of freedom. Then you can get away with anything. No one suspects mr. perfect, because HE couldn't do anything wrong! Right? Wrong!
Here's what I got away with recently:
1) Getting my little sister into trouble - So she climbed out of her crib, again. She snuck into my room. "Can I sleep wit you?" She asked sweetly. "No, you have to sleep in your own bed." Sure, I was flattered that she wanted to sleep with me. But if she did I would get NO sleep at all. I mean, she hogs all the covers and even farts in her sleep. "Dad!" I yell from my bed. "Stacy is out of her crib again!" My dad comes storming down the hall. My sister doesn't even cry as he smacks her on the butt. Being the "perfect" child he nods in approval that I've done the right thing. But really I was just being selfish.
2) Not turning in my homework - I "lost" my homework. No really, I'm bad at spelling, very bad. So I threw my spelling worksheet in the trash. I told my teacher it was on my desk and someone stole it. Guess what? Since I am the teacher's pet, she believed me! There's no way I, a model student, could have lost it or done ANYTHING wrong. Being perfect has perks, let me tell you.
3) Eating all my peas, not! - I hate peas! My dad wants me to eat them. But I won't. So he tells me he will pay me 5 cents for every pea that I eat. I eat 20 peas and get a dollar! But not really. Because while he is trying to get my little sister to eat HER peas, I am putting each pea from my fork into the top front of my mouth . . . you know the space between your gums and your lips. Those peas are pretty squishy, so they flatten easily. Then I take my glass of water in the tall colored plastic cup, and as I pretend to drink I am actually moving the peas with my top lip into the cup. He has NO idea. I make a few dollars in no time.
4) Missing school because I was sick - It's that classic thermometer in the light bulb trick. But the reason most kids get caught is because they take the thermometer from the light bulb and give it directly to the parents right away. The real trick is putting the thermometer under your tongue for a bit after you've heated the mercury in the lamp. That cools it down, enough to be believable but still high enough for a fever. If you've got one of those newer thermometers, just heat your forehead or your ear with something warm, like a heating pad or space heater. Regular kids, do not try this at home! It could be dangerous and you can hurt yourself if you're not smart like me. But I get away with missing school all the time with different ailments. And since I am a straight A student, with excellent grades, no one cares if I miss every now and then.
5) Stealing a toy from that kid's house my parents made me go to and pretend to be his friend - One of the things I HATE the most . . . my parents take me to a stranger's house and expect me to be OK with it. They think since these people are THEIR friends that I should automatically like them too, and their bratty snotty kids. My parents never once ask, "What do you think?" or "Would you like to meet so-and-so?" or "I'd like you to meet my friends but just because they are my friends doesn't mean their kids will automatically be your friends." I hate that they just assume I'll like these people, their kids, and be OK. So I go to the kids' houses. My parents send me "off to play." And each time, I steal a toy from the bratty kids' rooms, just to show that adults can't win. That is my silent protest. The toys are usually small, nothing major or super-expensive. It's not about the money. And I NEVER once make friends with any of those kids. That is a big NO-NO. They can make me go, but they can't make me like it.
I can't wait to be an adult. I will make my own choices. No one will control me. I'll have freedom to set up my life the way I want it, and make friends with who I want, and have a job doing what I like.
Being a kid stinks. Once I am an adult I'll never look back. I'll forget all about "childhood" that is made to be this fairy-tale, magical time. Being an adult is what I was born to be.
- end -
posted by suzi b at 8:47 PM
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